


this is the time for a goodbye

by wrksout



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, and it's short, it's kinda on zayn's pov, it's sad, like a small drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 06:21:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/975469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrksout/pseuds/wrksout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were there those nights when I came home drunk, smelling like booze and smoke and unfamiliar colognes, you carried me to our room, and you helped me to put my pajamas on. You asked me what was I doing, <i> why are you doing this, Zayn? what's going on, is it because of me?</i></p><p>But I never answered you. I was too drunk to think, I wasn't thinking straight and I could never tell you <i>no, Nialler, it's not you, it's never because of you, I brought this upon myself, I'm the only one to blame</i> but my mouth kept shut, I was too stupid to explain and you were too tired to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is the time for a goodbye

In a rainy day you walked away.

In a rainy day, all what we have built, crashed in front of my eyes.

I still remember, please don’t think I dont.

The look in your face, the tears in your eyes, the icy tone of your voice when you said it was time for a real goodbye.

“I can’t do this anymore” is what you said.

I tried to stop you, but you were decided to leave. I tried to tell you and explain you in a million ways that I was sorry, that things would change but you just shook your head, because you've given up on us.

A part of me was telling me to not give up so easily, to not let you go, but a bigger part knew you were right.

I knew you had your reasons, so many reasons. I knew that I have hurt you, that this whole relationship what slowly but surely breaking apart.

“Please, let’s try one more time, I promise I’ll change, this will be the last time" the words came out of my mouth so easily, as if it was easy to fulfill all the promises I've made, I knew you wouldnt believe me. _Damn_ , you stopped believing in me a long time ago, but for some reason you were still there with me.

You were there those nights when I came home drunk, smelling like booze and smoke and unfamiliar colognes, you carried me to our room, and you helped me to put my pajamas on. You asked me what was I doing, _why are you doing this, Zayn? what's going on, is it because of me?_. 

And I never answered you. I was too drunk to think, I wasn't thinking straight and I could never tell you _no, Nialler, it's not you, it's never because of you, I brought this upon myself, I'm the only one to blame_ but my mouth kept shut, I was too stupid to explain and you were too tired to try.

You were tired, I knew it, but you were still there.

Eating with me in the same room, watching tv on the same sofa, sleeping next to me, in the same bed.

Angry, sad, disappointed, _tired_ , so very tired but you didn’t gave up.

“I want to make this work Zayn, I love you”

But I never answered.

I never found the words, or the courage, I didnt know what to say.

I just nodded and walked away.

Fuck, I always walked away. I always tried to hide and avoid. Drinking, smoking, snogging with random people that I didn't even remember after. In my lowest point, I even tried with drugs.

“Zayn you need help, we need help, this is wrong, and bad but this isn’t unfixable” your eyes were brimming with angry tears.

“I don’t need help!” was the only thing I said, my voice was raspy, hoarse and had so much venom and fury on it I didn't recognize myself.

“Yes you do! You just keep drinking and smoking, can’t you see? You’re hurting yourself, you’re hurting me, Zayn, you’re damaging us”

I didn’t know how big the damage was till later that night.

I was drunk, but that was just the usual. some nights I couldn’t even remember what I was doing, but it’s imposible to forget how everything happened that night.

It was raining, the sound of thunders was the only thing you could hear in the room.

“I can’t do this anymore” was your way of breaking the uneasy stillness of our flat, a soft and quite whisper that sobered me up instantly.

“What do you mean?” and it was like it was the first time I was looking at you, truly looking at you, and you looked so broken, your fingers were shaking even if you tried to hide it, you were pale and your eyes were empty, void of the light and emotion that I used to find there. 

It scared me, because I was messed up but I broke you too, I will never forgive myself for killing your usually bright, happy persona.

“'m tired Zayn. I’m tired because I’m the only one who’s trying to fight for this relationship, I’m tired because when I try to talk to you, the only think you do is walk away and get drunk, I’m tired Zayn, I’m so fucking tired because I feel like I'm loving you for nothing, like I just gave everything to you and never got nothing back, and instead you broke to pieces everything I gave you and left me with nothing," you were trying your best to stay strong, like you were trying to prove to yourself that you could do this, and after a deep breath you continued, "a relationship is made by two, Z, but its like you’re not here anymore”

I stayed silent for a while, waiting for you to say _I'm gonna give you the last chance to fix this_ but when you didn't say something I was trying to figure out what to say. There were not right words to say, there was absolutely nothing that could change your mind, so I stayed silent.

When you realised I wasn't reacting you stood up. There were two big bags on your feet, I haven't noticed they were there, but then it hit me, you already knew I wouldn't fight this, you were decided to _leave._

“Niall please, give me another chance to make this work I'm sure we can try, we can mend all the broken part, just one more time-“ but I couldn't continue talking when I saw the look in your eyes.

It still haunts me how empty and dark they looked, how the darkness of the room made them look even angrier, but sadder at the same time.

There was a something in them that made me flinch and look away. The once bright, warm, full of life eyes, were gone. They were tired.

Just like you.

“Goodbye Zayn”

“Im sorry”

“It’s too late for that”

“Niall-”

“Goodbye”


End file.
